It’s September 2017 and I’m rewriting, rescheduling and re-planning most of my career’s short term goals. Mistakes and delays are acceptable since I have time allowances for those but I am appalled that I am indifferent with such. A classmate of mine told me before that you have to know what you really want and focus on it to get to the end. Because if you do not know what you want, it is very difficult to reach the end. Maybe this is the reason for my procrastination? Am I pursuing something I do not truly desire? I believe this is what I need and want. But I cannot feel it in my heart. I keep planning about this but I do not have the passion to push through. And that is why I’m like this.
Deep inside, there is one thing I hope to have. It is not about my career, health or family. It’s about holding a hand for just a moment and then I am happy. Just the thought of it makes me teary eyes right now. I cannot explain the fulfillment that I will get from it but I do understand that my mind and body will subconsciously do anything to feel that again.
Going back to reality, I need to revisit my excels and drafts and set aside my dreams. The former has a higher probability of happening in this lifetime anyway.